TO A SENTENCE OF " ONE BILLION " WHUFFIES WHICH WILL

HAPPEN WITH IMMEDIATE EFFECT , END YOUR COLD

ABUSIVE CORPORATE GREED BY DOING THE FOLLOWING :

A )  BE HUMAN - TREAT PEOPLE AS IF THEY WERE PEOPLE !

B )  BE WILLING TO ADMIT WHEN YOU ARE WRONG !

C )  LISTEN & RESPOND - BUT MOSTLY LISTEN

D )  STOP BULLYING !

E )  BE TRANSPARENT !

F )  REMEMBER EVERYONE HAS AN AUDIENCE !

* * * after 90 days of rehabilitation we the customer will review your

actions & decide if you are fit enough to return to society

Network Email

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 DEAR STANDARD BANK ,

 Recently around the 3rd of December we received a rather disturbing sms from standard bank home loans urging us to call this number +27 ( 082 ) 0070220 saying “ Dear Client your Standard Bank Home Loan is overdue . Please pay urgently to prevent hand over or call us on 0860102207 to discuss payment . “  We did only to be told our home had been placed in “ REHABILITATION “ now knowing our home to be of “ sober “ habits we naturally questioned this assumption - “ NO JOKES “ we were told by the slightly bemused call operator on the other side, “ YES YOUR HOUSE IS IN REHABILITATION & WOULD NOT BE COMING OUT FOR SOME TIME ! “  Knowing our home to be of sound character , having never seen it take a drink , smoke a joint or even venture out to any nearby shebeen , we like concerned parents were naturally disappointed with the stigma and accusations implied by standard bank , could standard bank perhaps be losing it , maybe it was in need of rehab , and not the other way around !
Which has made us think , are there any other homes out there in “ rehab “ and if so should we start a support group – visit http://standardblank.ning.com to find out more !

Thanking you ,
A concerned tea – totataller !

In the land of the one eyed king all is good , last week we were adversely affected by Standard Bank's falling down , the site crashed on the 29th of October and contrary to the official view of it being under control supposedly after a few hours , it was still down 23 hours later !

Being a small business we were compromised from a cash flow point of view , clients had tried to pay us on line but to no avail ! This is where it gets interesting , we being responsible citizen's of " the one eyed kingdom " contacted our bank manager alerting him of this problem , he proceeded to ignore us , no apology was forthcoming , while Standard Bank started fining us for stop orders that were bouncing as a result of their incompetence ! * ** R345 OUCH !

To add insult to injury their " Death Management Call Centers " started harassing us within hours of their falling down , clearly Standard Bank you have automated systems that run contrary to " human endeavor " clearly Standard Bank you have a problem , you are in denial , 20 000 clients were effected as a result of your incompetence , did you proceed to abuse & fine them all like you did to us !

Lastly you sent out an apology four days later ( we did not get it ) brand fail Standard Bank , big time !

Standard Bank is anything but " Standard " in keeping with it's new marketing strategy of " MOVING UPSIDE DOWN " it has installed upside down ATM's outside cricket stadiums in anticipation of the huge influx of Australian Tourists recently experienced , judging by the success of this venture there is talk of a " 2010 " version !

We recently experienced total miss management of our personal banking account with Standard Bank, what happened was the knee jerk
shutting down of one of our members personal bank account !

The gist of it is simply this , " standard bank reduced this persons overdraft facility without telling them ( subsequently this has happened to many other people )
without communicating the fact in any way " in so doing standard bank then closed the account down forward selling it to lawyers in Cape Town !

Claiming to have sent this person a letter , 3 months later the letter has not arrived - they are resending it - such is the commitment and arrogance
of a big corporate , by sending the letter three months late they think they can continue abusing our client !

As a result of this closure " delinquent " is the word they use , the person was unable to pay into their bond account & through great
inconvenience had to guess the monthly payment , paying 16 cents short !

You can imagine our surprise when we started receiving threatening calls from standard bank debt collectors demanding immediate settlement
of the " 16 cents " debt !

LOL - WTF / Surely they must be joking , we were humiliated by having to jump through hoops by answering a series of questions to the call
center that " we're being recorded for our safety " ( #sick ) the lady on the other end was aggressive demanding " 16 cents " or our bond would be compromised !

Reluctantly we bowed to big corporate bullying , it's a " no brainer ", we never caused the problem in the first place and were now being threatened over " 16 " cents
we paid on line costing us R 1.50 ( roughly 900% more than 16 cents ) Serious brand disconnect here " MOVING FORWARD " is their new advertising slogan
one wonders what damage " 16 cents " will cost them in the long run as they embrace their new " Social Platform " !

Which got us thinking , are other people out there experiencing the same bullying from their banks , sadly the answer is yes , we have gone on to form
http://standardblank.ning.com a consumer liberation movement against bank abuse !

We have been inundated with requests & stories of discontent from abused customers are a daily occurrence. Which we share on twitter www.twitter.com/Standard_Blank it's worth a visit ( 1556 supporters and growing ) , let us know how you are doing with your bank or any other evil big corporate !

ps : Since starting the movement we have had an official apology on the " 16 cents " incident and are continuing to hold standard bank accountable as they continue
to deny shutting down the personal account illegally & continue to bully us ! ( more to follow )

Thanking you,
leon orsmond
Disruptivator !
Standard Blank ( the customer liberation movement )

We recently were invited to meet with the creative director of Standard Banks advertising agency TWBA in Johannesburg !

Why you might ask is there anything worth writing about a standard buisness meeting , we would agree with you except this was no ordinary meeting as we are the members of Standard Blank , a distant cousin of Standard Bank !

Not to confuse you the reader , Standard Blank is a consumer liberation movement established after said Standard Bank's abusive treatment of customers , it was started in frustration after one of our members was dealt a rather short end of the stick by Standard Bank !

The meeting in question was to be held with Damon Stapelton , creative director of TWBA Johannesburg after one of our members infiltrated the corporate blog of Standard Bank , cheeky bugger left a challenging note , we were testing the waters , seeing just how social Standard Bank was with it's shiney new campaign with it's rather presumptious positioning line " MOVING FORWARD ! "

So back to the agency , in it's shiney new building that looks like the Sheraton , a brand new Sheraton - or god forbid even a bit like Standard Bank somewhere in Sandton , we were wisked up to the third floor , interesting negotiation of a passage on route to the creative directors office as there were 5 swings suspended from the ceiling , were they for real , needless to say we tested one , it worked a treat , little did we realize this was to be the highlight of our meeting !

Coffeed and seated at a rickety table ( very un Sheraton like ) we could see the rock star creative director holding forth in his goldfish bowl , we could hear him sprouting forth !

We sipped superb cuppachinno , waited , while the creative director continued with another meeting , surely he could see us , surely he was going to meet with us as it was 1.30 pm the appointed hour , but allas we waited & waited !

Now before you think us contrite , yes there are more important things in life than waiting for a meeting , this is Africa after all , so we made small talk and continued waiting , 2 pm arrived and the creative director continued pontificating !

We left , to Damon Stapelton and TWBA we say brand minus dude , your arrogance matches that of Standard Bank you deserve each other !

leon orsmond

osmosis viral creative think tank !

Johannesburg .